A couple of weeks ago I saw an awesome Facebook post that was shared several times among my friends. It was a selfie of a couple in their car—the husband in the driver’s seat looking ahead driving while the wife was taking the photo with a crooked smile on her face. The caption read like an anthem to couples therapy and I couldn’t help, but rejoice and share as well.
She shared honestly about why they have chosen to go to couples therapy and helped debunk the myth that the only reason couples go to therapy is because they are hanging on a thread doomed for divorce. She did a phenomenal job—you can read the original post here. Honestly, it is one of the best things I have ever read about couples therapy from a non-therapist. It has since gone viral being shared over 100,000 times, with nearly 300,000 likes, and well over 200 comments on the original thread! This makes me smile knowing this truth has gone viral spreading far and wide!
My Personal Testament of Couples Therapy: condensed version (because I could go on and on!)
The post inspired me to share it too with my own personal testimony of couples therapy (on my personal and professional FB pages as well as here):
Robbs and I began therapy shortly after we got engaged and have continued since– 4 years of therapy and counting. We have built it into our monthly budget and we will forgo a lot of things before forgoing our monthly session (and if needed, we’ll do two sessions, again we’ll forgo many things to ensure we can afford therapy and are taking care of our relationship). Hands down, this expense is one of the most important for us.
We value therapy tremendously and Robby even included it in his vows. When he said he was committed to continuing our learning and growing of one another through couples therapy the crowd burst out laughing. We both were kinda perplexed at the laughter because he (and I) weren’t joking. But we get it, the general population sees therapy as a last ditch effort to work on a relationship (obviously I know this and see it often) so their laughter makes sense. But please know that therapy doesn’t have to be a last ditch effort. It is one of the very best things we’ve ever done for our relationship.
Like this couple, we’ve left high-fiving each other, but also sobbing and everything in between. We’ve worked through tough stuff– and continue to– that’s what happens when one of us has a childhood with minimal happy memories while the other has endless happy memories- our shit, really my shit gets triggered a lot. It’s been therapy that has helped Robby understand trauma and how to support me while also asking for his own support. It’s allowed me to see that Robby loves me deeply and that I can receive his love without questioning it.
Truly, whether you’re partnered or single, you could use therapy. Whether you’re in crisis right this moment or you’re flying high, you could use therapy.
Ps: I’m inspired to take a selfie of us after our therapy session Tuesday to share.
There you have it folks, some of the reasons why I not only practice therapy as a professional, but also as a wife (and human). The power of having a therapist witness your process and help peel back the layers of complexity is a beautifully powerful tool!
If you would like to explore this process, I’d be happy to guide you in it. Connect with me here.
Until next time,
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others connect emotionally, sexually, intimately. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.