To reminisce is to indulge in enjoyable recollections of past events. Now we all reminisce, and for the most part we all enjoy doing so. To sit back and bask in memories of joy and happiness are on my top 5 things I do daily.
For me this last week, I have been finding myself being lost in reminiscing. You see, it was my first wedding anniversary. I can wholeheartedly say that our wedding day was the single most beautiful day of my life. We were surrounded by those we love in the most beautiful place in Colorado choosing each other for forever. Even the week leading up to the wedding was lovely to reminisce about; truly the entire experience was something I will never forget- even the stressful moments and the relentless rain days before the big day- it all was incredible.
A year later I am even more in love with my husband than I was when we stood on that mountain. As you can imagine, this last year has been full of memories. It has been full of periods that were easier and periods that were more difficult. With my husband running a business while I have been traveling back and forth for my PhD program, there has been no shortage of stress and learning curves with adjusting to all of the moving pieces in our lives.
What has helped me through it all? Reminiscing. Yes, reminiscing. It helps me to pause and relive moments in my life with my husband. It allows me to remember just how good things have been and can be and are. It can be too easy to get lost in the stress and choose to ignore the more important pieces of your relationship- the moments that have led you to continually choose to be with one another. For me it can also help put things into perspective [because lets be honest, I can overreact].
As a therapist, when I first meet a couple, one of my favorite things to ask them is to tell me how they met; it is also the most telling. A lot can be seen in how they share, what they share and remember from their first meeting. What kind of feelings do they feel? Do they giggle? Do they show happiness in telling me? Reminiscing is an important skill to have while in any relationship. It is important to remember what it was that first attracted you to them, what it was about them that made your heart skip a beat. As time passes, these memories can become blurry and distant, by reminiscing, it keeps them fresh in your mind easily accessible when needed.
I challenge you to try it on for size the next time you find yourself struggling in your relationship. Pick a time that brought you joy and focus on that. Can you find some peace in this memory? Can it help put things into perspective? Can it help you in getting through the rough moments?
Until next time,
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others reach their fullest relational and sexual potential. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.