Thursday was my sweetie’s birthday. The only thing he ever asks for on his birthday is 100 kisses. In fact, he would rather go on as if the day is like any other, but he does love to milk it for 100 kisses and so every year I honor this wish. Now, this isn’t always done without some eye rolling (lovingly, of course) and funny faces. Heck- have you ever set out to kiss someone 100 times in one day? It can turn into a chore if you don’t get creative and make it fun, so I do every year.
This year I wanted to honor my husband in a big way. He has done so much for me in the years we have been together and yet this last year has been his most selfless. He put me and my dream of becoming a Doctor at the very forefront while sacrificing a lot. With this in mind, I got real creative and thoughtful.
He loved every second of taking our engagement photos. He also loved being photographed on our wedding day. Guess why? Yep, because we kissed so.dang.much! Therefore, I called in our favorite and cherished photographer, Daylene Wilson and we concocted a surprise.
Originally, I planned on doing a ski themed photo shoot (he loves to ski) and of course because I am not a skier, I missed a key piece- I don’t ski. Daylene nicely asked if I was planning on running along him as he skied because otherwise this ski theme would be difficult to execute. At this point, I knew I would have to let my sweetie in on the surprise because logistically, I had no idea how to plan any of this ski stuff.
I told him about what I had planned, the obstacle, and what I was ultimately offering: I would ski with him. The look on his face was priceless! Here’s why: I can come up with 1,000 reasons why I should not and do not ski and only one very important reason I should. So as we figured out things logistically we had to get real clear and honest with each other. Our time would be somewhat limited so this wouldn’t allow me to take a ski lesson meaning he would have to be the one to teach me. We have been warned a lot by everyone to not have him teach me how to ski. In fact, we made an agreement early on in our relationship to not have him teach me after some friends told us that they nearly divorced the day he tried to teach her how to ski- we took this warning serious. With that said, we agreed to keep this adventure light-hearted and fun. We knew that at the end of the day, the memories and experience would be captured for always in photos (including the 100 kisses) and that would make it worthwhile.
The two lists I mentioned above:
Why I should not and do not ski
I hate to be cold
I hate wearing layers
I hate the feeling of adrenaline
I hate going fast
I hate feeling out of control
I have only skied once before and it was 20 years ago
…and the list goes on and on
Why I should ski
I love my husband and this has been a wish of his since day one of our relationship
This reason was more than enough to squash my never ending list of reasons not to.
So, how did it go?
I truly don’t believe the day could have gone better! We acomplished our 100 kisses with enthusiasm and skiing was more fun than I could have imagined. My husband was patient, kind, and encouraging in his teaching. We communicated and listened. We were completely present with one another.
I picked it up quite quickly and we ended the day with a final run- a green that was 3.5 miles long. At this point my confidence was high and I was so excited to ski a longer run. However, my legs were pretty smoked at this point and halfway through I began to worry if my legs could make it the rest of the way. I stayed calm and continued to enjoy my time on the mountain. I communicated this to my husband and he stayed near. When I really began to worry, he took over. He skied backwards holding our poles horizontally so I could hold on and give my legs a break. This took a lot of trust (on my part) and a lot of patience (on his part). We made it down the mountain as a solid team and closer than ever before.
Here’s the thing, the key pieces that made this day a success are also what are necessary for a successful relationship: kindness, trust, support, honesty, communication, love, teamwork, patience, and fun, along with touch & affection. Had we left a portion of these out, the day would have been diasterous and it would have caused a painful disconnect.
I am proud to say that this day was not only a gift to my husband, but to me as well. I am also proud to say that the list I had of “why I should not and do not ski” is now no longer- every single thing on that list was proven wrong! I know we will forever cherish the memories we created and we look forward to many more ski days!
Is there a way you can honor your love with a wish you can grant them? I’d love to hear how you did or plan to, share them below in the comment’s section.
Until next time,
P.S. if this isn’t the best Non-Sex Sex, I don’t know what is!
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others reach their fullest relational and sexual potential. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.