The “Official Divorce” Selfie gave me Chills!
A friend of mine recently shared an article with me with the suggestion of writing a blog about it. The title intrigued me so I opened the article up to read and I am glad I did.
In sum, the writer shared a story of an acquaintance and his “official divorce” selfie that he and his ex-wife took at the courthouse once the divorce was final. What caused me to get chills and grin ear to ear was what the ex-husband put under the selfie: “We are officially un-married. Here’s to the most friendly, respectful, and loving split imaginable. We smile not because it’s over, but that it happened.” What a lovely way to look at the end of their marriage and a great way to document it.
Imagine if we all could amicably split as this couple did; what a different world we would live in. But, I am not naïve to the reality that this is impossible for lots of people. I even paused to imagine my last breakup and there was no way we could have parted ways like this. We had years of love, anger, sadness, pain, and a complicated tangle that certainly prevented us from it*.
However, what can we learn from this story for our next relationship[s]? Perhaps, instead of waiting until things are unsalvageable to decide to split, we can sit down together, recognize this is no longer the relationship either of us wants and we can choose to go our separate ways. Often when we choose to avoid the realities of the relationship ending, we may act, say, or do things we aren’t proud of and regret. Instead of doing these things, choose to be honest with yourself and them.
Again, I realize that break-ups and divorces aren’t simple or uncomplicated; there are layers of emotions and history. Keep these things in mind and with the right intentions and sensitivity, maybe just maybe, you can have an amicable split.
Until next time,
*Thankfully, my ex-boyfriend and I have since mended our hearts and are again dear friends.
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others reach their fullest relational and sexual potential. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.