There Will Always be Haters
In this world, it can be tough to be who we are. There are lots of reasons why and I could write chapters and chapters on all of the different reasons. Today I want to just focus on one, which is a tough one to overcome at times.
Yep, I am going to talk about the haters and how they can get in the way. Haters are people who choose to trash talk or find ways to sabotage what you are doing. They don’t like who you are being or what you are doing.
What is important to know is that what they are doing or saying is all about them and certainly not about you. Also in my humble opinion, it is also about some kind of fear going on for them.
I have certainly faced my share of haters. In fact, I have someone who I would now consider more of an acquaintance than a friend who really is not ok with who I have become through my Human Sexuality program. In fact, they have told me I have been “brainwashed” in San Francisco. They feel I have lost all sense of humor because I refuse to laugh at, acknowledge, or reply to any jokes where someone’s gender, sexuality, skin color, abilities, mental health is the crux of it.
I allowed them to say all of these things, listening to all of the outlandish claims they were making. All the while recognizing that this was all about them and really nothing about me. It showed me their level of fear of me being an educated woman. In fact, I am the exact opposite of someone who is brainwashed. I have a mind of my own and now more than ever. I refuse to allow someone to scare or shame me into backing out of the field of sexuality and sex therapy because it scares them. I calmly told them my perspective and went on about my day, not skipping a beat.
Another example was something my twin experienced three days ago on her wedding day. She and her now husband [it is still so strange to say that!], created a very personal wedding. They did little traditionally and it was marvelous! Unfortunately, not everyone agreed. At the time they were being photographed in front of the courthouse in which they got legally married, a disgruntled woman drove by and shouted out hurtful things. What she said isn’t particularly important nor worth repeating; however, what is important to note was that she went out of her way to shame them for capturing these precious moments. This hurt my twin tremendously. I had walked up shortly after and my twin told me immediately what had happened. I told her I was sorry this happened, that this woman was clearly in a bad place, and that her words couldn’t be more wrong. This helped my twin and she was able to let it go. But it definitely hurt and caused her to pause and question her choices.
Haters can be incredibly mean in their hurtful words and actions. I won’t lie, it stings when someone makes a point to do and say such things. It isn’t easy to brush it all off. It can be hard to recognize that it is about them and not us, but this is essential. In knowing where we end and they begin, we can take steps to move forward leaving them and their “stuff” behind.
We are here on this earth to be ourselves. By being ourselves, we encourage a world of perfect imperfection and authenticity, a world in which I want to live!
The moral of these stories: don’t allow the haters to derail you from being you. Don’t give them the power they are looking for. And you never know, your choices and your reaction to them may just inspire them to follow suit…
Until next time,
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others reach their fullest relational and sexual potential. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.