Why my Husband Wouldn’t Allow me to Wear Spanx on our Wedding Day
I know, I know. Perhaps you’re thinking, “DUH! Why would he?” Heck, if I read this title and it wasn’t personally tied to me, I would think the same thing. But here’s the thing, I had a short period during our engagment that I really wanted to wear Spanx.
I purchased my dress on super sale and had it reconstructed to hug my every curve. I wanted it to show off my hips, my rump, and every other curve although the one I didn’t want to highlight was my tummy. It was quite ineveitable due to the way it was reconstructed. So, my solution was to purchase a tummy slimmer such as Spanx- easy peasy I thought. When I mentioned this to my easy going husband, he was vehemently against it. It takes a lot to ruffle his feathers and yet this made him visibly upset. He didn’t understand that such a product existed in the first place- I now feel the same- and that I of all people would wear one.
No matter how I explained it, he stood his ground. In fact, this was one of maybe five things about our wedding he wasn’t willing to compromise. He told me how beautiful I was. He told me how much he loved my every curve including my tummy. Sweetly, every time I think of this conversation I think of John Legend’s lyrics to “All of Me”, specifically “love all of your curves and all your edges, all of your perfect imperfections”.
I agreed to not wear Spanx no matter how tempted I was. As I reflected on this, I realized this was a radical lesson in [self] love and acceptance. Not only in his words, but in his actions he was telling me “I love you exactly as you are, today, yesterday, and always”. It allowed me to take pause and really process this beautiful opportunity to lovingly accept myself, especially my tummy.
It also brought my thoughts to authenticity. For me, wearing Spanx would have be inauthentic to me, my body, and my philospohy in life*. I thought to myself, “so what if I have a tummy!” And guess what, it wasn’t much of a thought on our wedding day. I still ate throughout the entire day. I enjoyed my favorite food, which is what we served for dinner, twice since my brilliant sister-in-law was sure to pack us a to-go box. Even better, one of my absolute favorite photos of our wedding day is of us kissing at the end of the aisle after we were announced. In this photo you can see my tummy and I absolutely adore this moment that was captured!
I am grateful that I have chosen to spend my life with a wonderful man who can remind me when I forget just how beautiful I am- curves, edges, and all! I am grateful that I have reached this point in my ongoing journey that I am able to recognize my beauty. There were years that such an act of love would have been terrifying and absolutely impossible.
The moral of the story: take some time to appreciate your body. If you struggle as I do, can you find the courage to share this with a loved one who can help you? Sometimes we need outside perspectives to help us see what is right in front of us.
Until next time,
*to be clear, this is my experience. Please know I honor everyone and their journey, wherever they may be. And heck, if wearing Spanx is something you are ok with, then do it!
Photo credit: Daylene Wlison Photographic
Dr. Lily A. Zehner, MFT-C is a therapist who specializes in sex, intimacy, and relationships. Her private practice is located in Denver where she helps others reach their fullest relational and sexual potential. To learn more about her and her services, please feel free to take a look around her website.